Not Alone

One rather large aspect of my life at the moment is that I'm discerning a vocation to religious life. For anyone outside Catholic circles, and even many within Catholic circles, this translates to: I'm trying to sort out whether I ought to be a part of a community vowed to lifelong prayer and service in the Church. Even more explicitly, I'm trying to figure out if that's what God is asking me to do.

There are lots of issues and questions (and sub-issues and sub-questions) involved here, and I expect it will take at least a year to work through it all. I don't want to get too personal here -- I'm not blogging to bare my soul to the world or anything. But I do want to "share the fruit of my contemplation" in hopes that it might help others who are asking similar questions.

The first thing I want to note, though, is that most people I talk to about major life decisions tend to give advice like, "You have to follow your own heart," or, "Don't worry about what anyone else thinks." And there's a certain truth in that. But I've discovered that I don't have to stop there. My heart, my mind, my loves and desires -- all these are only one aspect of discovering where I belong in the world. I've also discovered, much to my joy and relief, that there are some ways my friends and family know me better than I know myself. When I'm utterly confused, at a loss for which way to go, I know I can turn to them and find answers.

Most of the time, they don't have explicit or direct answers waiting for me. Instead, they sort of hold up a mirror to me so that I can see myself more clearly, so that I can see my surroundings from a different perspective. They ask questions about my questions, and help me to understand exactly what it is I'm asking in the first place. And yes, once in a while, they give me some piece of actual advice, which I either take or reject. In all of this, they are helping me to become more myself. And that's what discernment is all about: becoming who God made me to be in the first place.

It's a huge relief to me, seeing that I don't have to navigate this foggy chaos alone. I may not always have guides, but I certainly have companions. These companions are gifts to me from God, and sometimes messengers of his voice.